Certain people have a knack for wanting to help others, and if you are one of them, you might find yourself in relationships where the other person needs your support, heavily and often. With joy you may give them support, feeling valuable and worthwhile as you are so much wanting the world to be a better place. This relationship may go on for weeks, months, years. You might notice you feel drained. You might also notice after a while, it seems the person doesn’t take your advice, or the person finds themselves again and again in situations that are repetitions – unable to take in a different perspective or empower themselves, this person might put themselves in a bad position again in need of being “rescued” – emotionally or physically. Perhaps you gave them tons of great advice. What did you do wrong? How can you be more effective? Are you beating your head against the door, trying harder? It may not be about you trying harder. This is a classic case of trying to save someone else from themselves. Its not a helping relationship, its a white knight and damsel in distress relationship – your friend is helpless and they need you to save them. Its totally draining, and ineffective. The damsel gets so much attention and feels love being rescued that she will put herself in precarious situations again and again. And, doesn’t have a reason to learn otherwise, with all these great friends around to rescue her if she goes down the wrong path again.
Here’s what we need to realize when it comes to helping people. There’s a difference between saving and helping others. Often time we think we are helping them but we are actually making them dependent on us. True help seeks to make someone independent and sometimes independence is learned by spending time alone. We definitely cannot save people from themselves, it’s something they have to do on their own at their own pace with their own tools. Many of us think our way is the best way, truth is, the best way is the way that works for them. And sometimes the best way to help someone is to realize we cannot help them at the moment. Sometimes we need to save ourselves first and let go. We need to allow people to create their own tools to save themselves. They will then be in a position to receive help, if they need any.
I wish infinite love, health, healing, wealth, success, happiness, awareness, peace and wisdom upon your soul.