After yesterday, today I feel compelled to extend on the subject of dysfunction. First I’d like you to know that I am truly grateful and thankful for having my adoptive mother in my life. She did her best and I know deep down inside of her heart she loves me to the best of her ability. I used to think it was not enough but today I’m thankful for that. The way she is, is enough. Enough for me to be the person I want to be today.
Actually you know, I’m one of those people who sees everybody as being enough. Regardless of your income, your age, your weight, your skin color, your past, your diagnosis, your job, the car you’re driving, etc, I really believe you are enough. I’m far from being shallow or better than the rest of the world. I’m imperfect like you and that’s perfect.
I never understood society and her ridiculous concepts that deem people light. Among those concepts, the concept of dating “down” or “up” (to be out of someone’s league) always appeared to be so stupid and discriminating to me. There is no up nor down. My down can be your up and your down can be my up. It’s a question of perspective. Einstein strikes again with his theory of relativity. True genius. So I never understood when people told me “you deserve better than this person…”
I guess and I would say because of those ridiculous social standards both of my exes had lots of insecurities that I see today that I never saw while with them. I’m not ashamed to say my latest ex had no teeth, a belly and very thin hair due to what I think is cocaine abuse. Every Friday and probably more. The ex before that also had a belly and was not socially considered to be attractive neither.
They probably thought a girl “like me” was not genuine to be with someone “like them” so they both ended up hurting my heart and treating me poorly while I always believed in them.
But deep down inside they had a huge heart… They were broken individuals each with a traumatic past… like me. I know that’s why I used to be attracted to them. I used to be attracted to the broken because I felt broken too. But today I realize there are two types of broken people. Broken people that will break you and broken people that will repair you. Broken people that break other people are not ready to fix themselves. Not necessarily because they want to stay broken but because they don’t know how.
Mind you some of them are so broken, they have become one with the shadows. The darkness is all they know. It’s their family. Their friends. Their life. The only way to be part of their life is to deem your light and become a shadow. There’s nothing wrong with the shadows if that is what one is into. But, me personally, not for me. I like clarity. I strive for peace and I love being drama free. Which brings me to speak about the second group. Broken people that will repair you. Actually, do I need to truly talk about them? You probably have your own definition of them.
With that being said, we’re all broken in some way. But the question is, what kind of broken are you? How do you perceive being broken? Do you even see and believe that you are broken a little? That would be an important first step in your healing. How do you interpret your dysfunction? Do you let it cripple or strengthen you?
I realize without the hardships I went through I wouldn’t be the sound individual that I am today. I’m grateful. But it took me time to get there. I had to admit that I was broken first. It was hard but necessary. It saved me.
There’s something truly magical in dysfunction. But the magic will only reveal itself to you if you are honest with yourself first. Are you willing to see the magic in operation? The way dysfunction operates, the way it has the ability to change you is indeed magic. Dysfunction is an ally when we stop seeing it as an enemy. Every little dysfunctional situation and individual you encounter comes with what they like to call “the gift of wisdom.” I will elaborate more on that gift in a post tomorrow so tune in it will be truly priceless…
Fast forward, If there is any kind of dysfunction in your life right now, maybe you’ve received a diagnosis, maybe you’re in debt, going through grief or your life does not feel how you want it to feel like… You’ve just received a gift wrapped in a dysfunctional paper. Ugly paper. Beautiful gift. Dysfunction is your most faithful ally because it will never lie to you. It will always show you the truth of who you are not so that you can see the truth of who you are. You can count on dysfunction to show you what to do. Dysfunction may not tell you how to do it, but it will let you know that there is something better out there for you, if you are willing to see it.
I wish infinite love, health, healing, wealth, success, happiness, awareness, peace and wisdom upon your soul