It’s a relatively long personal post. I’m warning you. I’m feeling inspired to share so let’s go.
Expressing love first to others was always scary to me.
Actually, I never grew up knowing how to do it. I wasn’t raised in a physically loving household. Oh, but, I never missed anything. We were well fed and had clothes on our back, and I know that’s a form of love today. I’m grateful.
But, typically, I don’t remember the last time my mother verbally told me she loves me, let alone hug me. Little need to say, with me being adopted, I grew up clearly deficient and highly emotionally handicapped.
Love was a foreign word to me, until I slowly started being exposed to it in multiple different ways. Through friendships I was exposed to brotherly and sisterly love. Through dating I was exposed to intimacy and sexual love.
Through my partner’s relationship with their family I was exposed to the type of familial love I’ve always dreamed of but never had. They hugged and told each other they loved them.
Being exposed to all the ways most human beings share, provide and receive love truly helped me understand more about human nature. However, something was still missing…
Then came the day of my “inner awakening” or maybe it was the sativa, but, that specific night, my mind and my heart opened wide and everything became clear. In an instant, it felt like someone was uploading something in me.
I didn’t know that night that I was being spirituality enlightenned. It felt warm and very comforting. I heard an inner voice telling me that everything was going to be okay and that I would never feel or be alone ever again.
That same voice also told me that things would get much worst before they get better. It spoke to me about a purification process.
I thought the weed had gone drive me crazy. But the feeling was so loving and uplifting that I knew it had to be something else. I didn’t truly know what it was, but, ever since that experience, my life started to drastically shift. And it got worst, before it suprisingly got much better.
Something slowly started to grow stronger in me, a loving inner knowing. Until this day, I’m not sure what happened to me. But I think I remember telling my ex that I thought I found God. We didn’t spoke much about it. Matter of fact we broke up.
Fast forward today, I can tell you that loving presence never left me or maybe it’s me, I never left it should I say. Because the truth is, it’s us that leaves it. It’s always there and it always was. Some of us are just blind to it. We forget it. But, it’s free and it’s unconditional love.
I feel complete. I’ve discovered that I have everything I need inside me, just like you and everybody. I’ve learned that love is not out there but in here.
The Universe is a mirror. If you are closed, everyting else is. Open up and just watch how everything else follows.
You are the answers and the questions. You are hot and cold. You are whole.
But, you have to be the first to open up… if you wait, you will maybe wait forever.
Express love first.